Half-Life Musical

Half-Life Musical: 1 – “Song of the Black Mesa Transit System”

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[Gordon Freeman enters stage left. He stands for a moment in his scientist outfit and opens his mouth to speak.]

Barney [off stage]:
Gordon Freeman, is that you?
Aha! I knew it was.
The boys in blue are inviting you
to join us and get buzzed

Scientist [enter stage right]:
Gordon Freeman! There you are!
Looks like you’re early for once.
[whispered, to another scientist]
He always shows up late,
Can’t believe they hired this dunce

[Gordon shuts his mouth, vaguely dejected, and continues off stage right]

[Alarm blares]

Robotic Voice:
Gordon Freeman to Training Facility for Hazardous Environment Training

[Freeman enters stage left again and looks away from the audience. He checks his watch and taps his foot and a tram arrives from stage left.]

[Music builds as the tram gets closer. The doors open in front of Freeman and he steps in.]

[As the song continues, actors, props, etc. travel from stage right to stage left to give the illusion of movement]

Welcome to the Black Mesa Transit System
We’ve got facts and safety tips galore
Please keep your hands inside the vehicle
We’re traveling from the surface to the Reactor Core

Press the button to request an exit
And if you miss yours don’t be vexed
Our trams run every ten minutes
Through the entire complex

We’ll get you safely to your destination
There hasn’t been an injury in [Robotic Voice] TEN [return to normal voice] days
Here at BMTS that’s a personal best
So don’t forget to give the technicians your praise.

Now sit back, relax, and you’re on your way
It’s not the time to worry about your government pay
And don’t you worry about any delay
This is BMTS wishing you a fabulous day.

~~~ ~~~

Disclaimer: Half-Life and Black Mesa and the associated characters are owned and copyrighted by Valve Software

Half-Life Musical

Half-Life Musical: 0 – Summary Page

Author’s note: There are no plans to continue this project at this time.

On February 8, 2021, Marc Laidlaw (writer on the Half-Life series) posted a tweet about finding song titles for the non-existent “Half-Life Musical.” The song titles are in the image at the bottom of this post.

I have no plans on writing all of these songs, but that doesn’t mean that I won’t accidentally try.

The song titles are shown below. Please follow the song links for lyrics and stage direction for each song.

01 – Song of the Black Mesa Transit System
02 – Test Chamber Music
03 – Resonance Cascade
04 – Hearts and Headcrabs
05 – The Cavalry is After Me
06 – Quiet! The Beast Can Hear You!
07 – The Interminable Corridors of Love
08 – Barney’s Song
09 – Three Scientists in Peril Are We
10 – Lambda Lab
11 – Xen Again
12 – So You Think I’m a Big Baby, Do You?
13 – G-Man’s Etude

Feb 8th, 2021 10:26pm
List of Song Titles by Marc Laidlaw

Disclaimer: Half-Life and Black Mesa and the associated characters are owned and copyrighted by Valve Software